Kindness and gentleness

Kindness and gentleness.  I want more of these in my life. But I think I've been going about it the wrong way. I've been harsh with myself for my lack of kindness and gentleness. I've tried and striven and put my best effort in.  

But my attempts at kindness leave me burned out and worn out and empty. And my efforts at gentleness leave me stressed out and frustrated at my children running riot because they don't think I really mean it yet because I haven't 'lost it' yet.

So then I do lose it. Big time.

Bigger in proportion to how hard I've been driving myself.

And then I feel so rubbish. Such a failure. Condemned. Useless. Unworthy to ask forgiveness because I know I'm just going to do it all again. Then I either beat myself up and try again or give up and wallow in despair. 

This is what I feel God showed me this morning. Nothing 'new' as such, but just a reminder I guess.

Gentleness and kindness are fruits of the Spirit. No vine ever bore fruit by beating itself up.

"All fruitfulness comes from intimacy" (Heidi Baker)

John 15:4,5, 9 (The Passion Translation)

"your life will be fruitless unless you live your life intimately joined to mine . . . As you live in union with me as your source, fruitfulness will stream from within you . . .  continually let my love nourish your hearts"

First, I need to realise that gentleness and kindness don't come from within me. I can drum them up a bit for a while but I soon 'dry up.'

Second, I need to look at my Heavenly Father and realise that gentleness and kindness are first and foremost descriptions of who He is. He is kindness itself. He is gentleness itself. He is kind to me. He is gentle to me. Before I can give any out, I need to receive. Receive His kindness. Accept His gentleness. Enjoy them. Soak in them. Fill up on them. Then when I want to think about how these look in my life. I need to ask Him what that means.

Kindness does not mean being a doormat everyone can walk over or letting others squeeze you dry. Gentleness does not mean you cannot be firm or have boundaries. 

So, I must look to Jesus as my example:

Who took a whip and cleansed the temple, yet stood meet and silent as Roman soldiers whipped his body

Who called the Pharisees a brood of vipers, yet said 'neither do I condemn you' to a woman caught in adultery.

Who did not leave off teaching to come when his mother called yet provided a new son to look after her even as he hung dying on the cross.

My version of kindness and gentleness are weak and short lived.

His version of kindness and gentleness broke the power of Hell to call me His daughter.

He is my source

He is my example.

He is my all.

Don't try to drum it up. Just abide. Receive. Let it flow in you until there is no more room and then you won't be able to help it spilling over. 

In looking for the Bible verses to add to this blog post I came across this quote of Charlie Chaplin.