Not enough

I am not enough.

I do not exercise enough.
I do not eat healthily enough.
I do not contact my friends enough.
I am not patient enough.
I am not chilled enough.
I am not thin enough.
I am not 'cool' enough.
I am not fun enough.
I am not balanced enough.
I do not pray enough.
I do not read the Bible enough.
I do not love God enough.
I do not love others enough.

Guess what.

I discovered something surprising and a bit shocking.

It actually happens to be ok.
It actually happens that no one is enough.
It actually happens not to be a surprise to God.

And here's the thing:

He's actually happens to love me anyway.

My daughter is very messy in a beautifully creative way that can drive me bonkers.
I love her anyway.

My son is never at a point when he's finished the Lego model he's making or computer game he's playing. He is never ready to stop and eat a meal or brush his teeth or go to bed.  He finds being 'interrupted' VERY frustrating.
I love him anyway.

I love them because they're my children. 
No matter what they do.
Or how many times they do it.

And I'm just a 'not enough' mum. 
In too many ways to mention.

But. God.

God is enough.

He is loving enough.
Patient enough.
Kind enough.
Good enough.
Strong enough.
EVERYTHING enough . . .

 . . . to cope with my messes
 . . .  to handle my stresses
 . . .  to love me in spite of it all
 . . .  to bring me through it all

And He has a Son.
Whose Name is also Enough.

He lived a life that was enough -
good enough
patient enough
kind enough
loving enough
perfect enough
enough enough

Enough to take the just punishment for every 'not enough' there ever has been or ever will be.

He is my 'enough'.

When I come to God, I haven't loved Him enough, talked to Him enough, trusted Him enough, obeyed Him enough.

The enemy of my soul loves to keep me wallowing in the despair of my 'not enough'ness.

But the lover of my soul says:

I know.
I AM your enough.
Let me be your enough.
Let me exchange your not enough for my enough.

And when I finally collapse at his feet, exhausted and having given up trying to impress him with my efforts at enough-ness.  He smiles, "Welcome". And holds me close. And pours His enough over me and in me and through me.

And all the glory to goes to Him.

Apologies to the detailers reading this about the inconsistency in capitals and punctuation.  I do not have enough energy to sort it all out and I'm resting in His grace that it is good enough, because if I don't hit publish right now, I never will.