What am I supposed to be doing?

The answer to that question is something I have agonised over long and hard many times, but ever so more intensely since becoming a mum and finding a huge range of options before me. I want to share a couple of quotes that have helped me with this question recently.

The first is a quote from Heidi Baker:

“All fruitfulness flows from intimacy.”

This is something Heidi frequently says. She talks of the importance of time spent in the ‘secret place’ with the Father. She knows what she is talking about as she spends hours daily with the Lord and is seeing thousands coming to Christ and many miracles in Mozambique.

I always want the ‘quick fix’, the instant answer. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it! But there is no short cut to intimacy. It is simply developed through regular, daily investment of precious time with God.

My relationship with my husband has continued to grow, deepen and develop through our ten years of marriage. I loved him so much when I married him but I couldn’t have the same depth of relationship with him then that I have now because that has only come through sharing our lives together.  My husband expressed amazement just the other week that he is still learning new things about me! I guess that’s a life long journey and one we can have the Lord as well.

The second quote is from a sermon by Bill Johnson:

“It is the Spirit of God that takes the simple things we do and makes them supernaturally effective.”

The word ‘simple’ really jumped out at me and I realised that actually God is not asking me to do anything complicated or work out some difficult instruction. I don’t have to find the exact right thing to do and do it perfectly to be used by God.

The core thing God wants me to do is spend time with Him, deepening my relationship with him, my love for him and my knowledge of him.  And then really I just need to walk on into my life and it will be natural to share out of what I’ve received when spending time with him. 

By spending time in His presence, I will carry some of that into the way I respond to people and situations in my day.  In some ways it doesn’t matter so much what I am doing but who I’ve been with that makes the difference.

Jesus, you died to bring me into relationship with you. Help me put that relationship above running around thinking I’m doing things for you. Teach me what it means to seek you above seeking instruction, information or direction; to want to know you more than I want to know what you want me to do; to stop thinking everything has to be achieved by my effort; to stop wanting to look good in others’ eyes; to realise seeking you is the most valuable investment of my time. Amen

Linger until you have met him

Last year I was reading John 20 about Mary and the disciples coming to the empty tomb on Easter Sunday morning. As I reflected on it, God showed me how it is an allegory of Bible study. I felt it was something I should share back then but didn’t know how to.  I remembered about it today and think that the blog is the way I should share it now.

In the chapter, first Mary comes and sees the stone rolled away. Then John comes and looks in at the door of the tomb. When Peter arrives he actually goes in and sees the grave clothes.

How does this relate to Bible study?  Mary seeing the stone rolled away is like the simple immediate observations we can make when reading a Bible passage. She simply saw the stone rolled away but didn’t know what to make of it.

Then John looking in the tomb is like looking more closely at a Bible passage. Looking carefully at the words and thinking about them. John examined the tomb more closely to check that not only was the stone rolled away but that the body of Jesus was no longer there. He still did not know what this meant.

Peter going into the tomb seemed to me to be like delving more deeply into the meanings of the words and their interpretation. Peter was the one who saw that the grave clothes were lying there. He found out some more information by going deeper. But he still did not fully understand that Jesus had risen.

The next bit really blew me away. Peter and John go away again but Mary stays weeping. She then sees the angels in the tomb, one at the head and one at the foot of where Jesus lay. I felt God whisper, “The angels were there all the time. I just opened her eyes to see them.” I felt God showed me that for those who linger and long for more revelation, he opens our hearts to truths and messages He has for us in His word that cannot be found by mere intellectual study and digging. The angels were in the tomb when Peter and John went there but they were in a hurry and on a fact finding mission and so they missed out on this further revelation.

The final part of what God showed me left me weeping. Because Mary still stayed. Her heart was seeking Jesus. She did not want to go without finding him. She continued to search and long for Jesus and stayed even after the angels had spoken and it was then that Jesus himself came to her and revealed himself to her. When he said her name she knew it was him.

I felt God say “The greatest treasure is for those who truly seek Me in the scripture, whose hearts are not satisfied until they have found Me.” It is to those who seek and linger and don’t give up that I reveal myself. Then they know that they have met with Me.

Most of the time I just read the Bible in order to have ‘done’ my Bible reading for the day. How little I linger. How quickly I move on. I read for information, maybe I dig a bit deeper and read some Bible notes to get a better understanding. But am I seeking a revelation? Am I prepared to wait, to linger and to press on to seek meeting my Saviour Himself?

I want to be more like Mary and long to meet with Jesus enough to linger until I see him.

Jesus, increase my longing for you so that like Mary I seek you and don’t give up until I have met with you and heard your voice speaking to me.  Amen.