God's faithfulness - my rampart

Psalm 91:4

"He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

The word rampart gave me in my mind the picture of a grassy embankment that you could hide behind.  The connotations are of hiding from an enemy who is attacking - maybe firing arrows as is the picture in Ephesians 6:16 which refers to the 'flaming arrows of the evil one'.

Some of the 'flaming arrows' that get me most  frequently are ones of doubting that God could still love me and be patient with me when I fall back into the same sins so often and am so weak in my faith and love for Him.

How can I defend against these attacks?  What is the rampart I can hide behind?  The answer: his faithfulness.  This reminded me of another verse:

"If we are faithless, he remains faithful,  he cannot deny himself."  2 Timothy 2:13

If God, who is all-knowing and outside of time, has decided to set His love and affection on me and to send His Son Jesus to die for my salvation, then nothing I do or say, or don't do or don't say can ever make Him change His mind about that love.  He already knows the whole story anyway. He already paid the price to redeem me anyway.  His character is one of faithfulness. He cannot change because it's part of who He is.

So I can say with confidence: He loves me.

And when I disappoint myself by the feebleness of my love for Him and the sinful thoughts and actions resulting from my cold heart, the enemy will tell me: He can't possibly love you. You are too pathetic and useless. You are swayed by every single thing you read and see and hear.

I can reply: Yes I am not steady in my love for God as I would wish. Yes my thought life and my actions are not fully pleasing to Him. But He is faithful.  No matter how rubbish I am. He does not and cannot change.  I can go to the Bible and read the promises there and stake my life on them because of His faithfulness.

God, you know the very worst of me. You know how inconstant my love for You is. You know all the sins and failures that the rest of today holds, let alone the rest of my life. And yet Your word tells me that You chose to love me. I rest on that promise because it depends on Your faithfulness. Thank you that it doesn't depend upon me at all. Amen

Mixed motives - what's stopping you?

I write every day. Lots.  I write to process my thoughts. I write to remember things the children have said or done. I write to remind myself of the things God's teaching me and showing me. I write to help 'tame' my thoughts while I pray.

Mostly I write in my journal. Privately. For no one else to see.

But some of the things are good things that would encourage others if only I would share them.

I know that God wants me to share and pass on the encouragements I receive and that one way I can do this is by writing this blog.

So many different things stop me from doing this such as perfectionism and feelings of unworthiness.  But another barrier I have is that I have a secret desire to be a successful writer and blogger and would love to have a great following of people who read what I write. But that is really a motivation of pride and a desire for myself to be great rather than for God to be exalted.  And so I don't write in order to prevent myself chasing a self-glorifying goal.

However, this morning something jumped out at me from Philippians 1.  Paul is writing from jail about how his imprisonment has caused other people to start preaching the gospel.

He says, "It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of good will . . . The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition . . . but what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true.  Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice' (Phil 1:15, 17, 18).

 I saw from this that God in His great power and wisdom can use people who are preaching about Him even from mixed motives. Even when they really want to be great themselves, He can use them telling others about how great God is.

So even though I may still wrestle with my own desire to be great, I can still keep pointing to God and telling others how great He is and God can still use that while He's still working on my motives.

Thank you God that You can use us even when our motives are mixed up. Help me keep telling others about how great You are even while You are still working on many things in me. Amen.

What size are your margins?

When I read blogs I want to re-read and think more about, I often copy and paste them into a word document and print them out. I want to use as little paper as possible, so I delete all pictures, I set the line spacing to single and I set the margins to 'narrow'. I try to fit it all onto one sheet of paper.

I'm realising that's what I've done with my life too. I've crammed as much as I can in. The margins are narrow. There is no extra spacing between lines or paragraphs. No room to breathe between school and after school clubs, homework, piano practice etc etc.

How much can you get onto one page - one day?

Then when the 'extras' come along, they have to be crammed in too - shoe horned into the narrow margins.

Then all of a sudden, an email telling you someone's moved your crayons, and you flip. It's the last straw.

They're just crayons for goodness sake.

They can be moved back.

But not if there are no margins.

Or your child has fallen over and scraped their knee. But there are no margins for long cuddles to soothe the tears. So they just have to be got into the car as quickly as possible so that you're not late for the next thing.

Since when did getting to the next thing become so toweringly important?

My inbox gets crammed with more email than I can read or process.  I have 170 'starred' emails that I'm supposedly going to go back to when I have time.

Mail through my door goes straight to recycling (unless it's a lovely handwritten letter from a friend of course😀).  I skim read blogs and think 'I must take time to reflect on that' but of course that time never comes.

And so now my body is telling me: slow down.

My heart rate, timed by God to have margins to speed up when the pressure is on, has got stuck in 5th gear. I've spent so much time stressed. So much time always trying to do ten more things in my day, that top speed has become normal and then there's nothing left to give.

One of my husband's missions has been to impress upon me that rest is not only good but also important and necessary.  He points out that it actually makes it into the ten commandments. God doesn't just think it's a good idea. It's so important He COMMANDS us to rest one day in seven.

But, in Christian-ese that has translated into - get to church early on Sunday so you can set up for Sunday school,  take the Sunday school class, speak to 7 other people about various church-related activities you are planning, serve the tea and coffee and make sure you've said encouraging and supportive things to everyone you know is going through a hard time.  It's exhausting all this 'rest'!

So, what do good margins look like?  I don't know yet but I want to discover and I'm on a journey, a mission to find out. I want to go back to discovering that being a Christian is good news, not exhausting, demanding news.

I think it's going to involve not letting myself be intimidated by all the things everyone else has posted on Facebook. It'll mean being content with having less and doing less than others. And, Heaven - forbid, it may involve even saying 'no' when I'm not actually stressed to the max but because I don't want to get to 'stressed to the max'.

I've read Psalm 23 in a new light lately:

'He makes me lie down in green pastures'

Sometimes, when He's watched us strive and rush about for long enough, He lets us get to a point where we have to rest.

Thank You Good Shepherd for making me lie down and rest. Thank you that You are doing a good work of restoring my soul. I praise You. I pray for my brothers and sisters reading this post that they too would be set free to simply lie down and enjoy the blessings of the green pastures You bring in our lives.  It doesn't all have to be striving. Amen.

Too many processes

The other day I wanted to turn the laptop on quickly and to quickly show my son some things online. However, the laptop, having sat in its bag for maybe a month or so, took a bit of 'waking up'.  Eventually, it showed the desk top as normal but when I double clicked on the web browser icon, it took a while to come up.  Once on the internet, for every click the laptop was laboriously slow to respond.

The computer was trying to look like everything was fine on the surface but there was clearly something going on in the background - probably downloading or installing some update or other.

The computer was trying to show me a web browser and let me look around on the internet but everything was hampered by the fact that it was also trying to do a load of other things behind the scenes.

It struck me that this is a picture of where I'm at just now.  Everything seems hard work and slow. I find it hard to think and process stuff. It's hard to be as productive as I normally am.

There are too many processes going on!

God is showing me that right now is a time for slowing down and stopping lots of things I've been doing.  Not because I can't do them but because I have too many processes going on.

I've been trying to figure out  who I am, what I believe, how I came to be who I am and where I am, and what things should look like going forward, how to parent well, how to know God and love God well etc etc.

This is taking a lot of processing power.

I'm beginning to realise I can't process all that while also running full tilt at life. The result is that I'm not doing well at either.

So I've taken a step back from lots of the things I was doing. I've taken the pressure off myself to achieve so much. I'm letting my days be less crammed. I'm giving myself space and time to take longer over things and to have some time to rest.

On the surface it may not look like much is happening.  It just looks like I became a sluggish web browser.

But God is doing something. Something very important is going on under the surface, in my hardware. But it's going to take some time.

So I'm learning to patient. Mostly with myself. Which I don't find easy.

But I think that the fundamental downloads of knowing God, knowing who I am and what His desire and plans are for my life, are worth shutting down the frantic rush of running groups and keeping on top of every resolution I ever made.

Sometimes when the computer gets 'stuck' you have to go into Task Manager and force a few applications or processes to shut down in order to free the computer up to do something else.

That's what I'm doing just now.

I encourage you to consider what 'processes' need a bit of time and space to complete and whether there are any processes that just need to be 'shut down' for now.

Thank you God that You are our good IT Administrator. We trust You to download what is good, helpful and important for our lives.  Help us see what is cluttering up our minds and processing power and to be prepared to clear the space for what You have for us.  Amen.

Bring me your tangled knots

The other day a friend of mine told me how her daughter had some string that had got all knotted. She tried to untangle it but couldn't. Eventually she brought it to her mum and asked for her help. My friend told her daughter to go off and play while she sorted it out. Once the string was untangled, she called her daughter back and gave it to her.

That night she couldn't sleep because of lots of worries, concerns and problems going round in her mind. Then she heard God say, "My daughter, bring me your tangled knots. Leave them with Me and get some rest."

Oh how we need to be like little children. We worry and fret and strive over our knots which we can't untangle. And all the while our loving heavenly Father says, "Bring your knots to Me. Let Me untangle them. Only I have the wisdom, patience and skill to do it anyway. Stop fretting.  I have given you many gifts to enjoy.  Leave the knots with Me and in time I will call you back and show you what I have done."

Thank You Father for your great love for us. We are your children. We bring You the tangled knots of our lives and thank You that we can trust them to Your love, wisdom, patience and kindness.  Amen.

Fruitfulness in brokenness

Lessons from a tomato plant.

I don't grow  plants.  I kill them. Always.

Except this year.  My daughter planted some tomato seeds (SEEDS!!) in April and they have now grown into a huge plant. I still can't quite believe it's happened.

I have three theories why these seeds have survived:

1) Music.  They are by the piano and have thrived on the beautiful music made by my children's piano practice. (Hmmm)

2) Piano practice.  They have thrived because I sit with each of my children for 5 minutes each morning to get them to do their piano practice. During this 5 minutes I notice the plant and remember it needs watering.  I go and do it while they play one of their pieces.

3) The trough has a special tray to catch the extra water at the bottom so this means that I have not drowned the plant by over watering. :-)

Here is the proof I'm not lying:

The seedlings in the tray. We were supposed to be seeing the difference the greenhouse thing made.

Us planting them from the tray into the big green trough. What a stylish mum I am!

 In place on the windowsill.  Don't ask me about the pumpkin, cucumber and carrot plants.  We're not going there.


ANYWAY, this is meant to be about what I learned from my tomato plant.  You see one day, I accidentally snapped one of the branches. By the end of the day the leaves had all withered. I was amazed at how quickly the branch dried up.  

I reflected on how we need to keep constantly connected to the Lord and how quickly we 'dry up' spiritually if we lose that connection. I thought how that branch would never bear fruit and how in order to be fruitful I need to keep receiving from God.  'I must write a blog about that' I thought. But this is not THAT blog.

I told my husband and showed him what had happened.  He took a stick and some twine.  He took some cling film and he propped that branch back up and wrapped cling film round the break.

I was sceptical.

But guess what happened?

Look!  There are TOMATOES on the other side of that break.  I have now eaten one of those tomatoes and it was yummy.

Then God spoke to me about His redemptive power to bind up the weak and the broken and His ability to still bring fruit in their lives.

So often I think God can't use me because of my brokenness and sin.  But it's not true.  Even when I've broken connection with Him, I can come back.  He gently binds up my wounds. He continues to pour His love and grace into me.  And if I can just stay connected to Him, He WILL produce fruit in my life.

How amazing is that?!

I praise you God that no one is beyond Your redemptive power to restore and that You can bring fruit in our lives even in the broken places.  Amen.

The Prayer Game - helping you and your children pray for others

I'm posting here to share about a game I've made to help our family prayers go a little bit further than 'God please help us have a lovely day/God please help us sleep well.'

I was inspired by another friend's blog called 'Supper's not in the slow cooker'.  Find it here at: https://vicarwife.wordpress.com/resources/  (scroll down to her prayer game and you'll find a lot more ideas because I've simplified what she did).

I love how she starts her resources page, so I'm going to 'nick' that paragraph too:

WARNING: These resources may be dangerous to your health if you are not properly equipped with anti-comparison shields and a clear understanding that ideas like these will NOT make or break your children’s’ faith.

So, one of my struggles with wanting to pray for others and not just ourselves is how long to make the list.  I mean, my kids have 13 first cousins.  Then there's all the missionaries we know. Where do you draw the line?  How do you stop it being another unbearably long list to get through?

Well, my friend's blog had the ingenious idea of making a game and using a box file of index cards. This means you can have umpteen cards but no sense of pressure that you have to get through every single one. 

So, how does it work?  

The board is mostly coloured circles. Each colour represents a category.  I chose 10 different categories:

1) Red - our family  - 1 card per member of our immediate family

2) Orange - relatives on Mummy's side - I chose to do 1 card per couple and 1 card per child

3) Yellow - relatives on Daddy's side. jot down specific prayer requests you know about already on some, leave the others blank to fill in as and when

4) Pale green - church - so far my cards are titled - leaders, members, workers, Sunday services

5) Dark green - OM - this is the Christian organisation my husband and I are with. My husband works in the office.  Cards include  - leaders. Carlisle team, teams around the world

6) Pale blue - Mike's tots - this is a toddler group I help with - cards include: team, mums, children

7) Dark blue - Houghton School - this is the school my children go to - cards include the head, each of their teachers, the parents, the children, mid-day supervisors

8) Friends - 1 card per friend we particularly want to pray for

9) Salvation - people we particularly have on our hearts to pray for their salvation

10) Missionaries - 1 card per family.  I'm building this up gradually as I get prayer emails/letters - it's easy to pick out a new card and jot a few things down.

On the cards I've written the heading and then a few ideas of what to pray for. Many cards don't have any particular 'points for prayer' yet but we can add them as we go along.

Things I love about this:

You can always add new cards and add to what's written on them. It doesn't have to be 'finished'. 

You can always take away cards. It doesn't ruin the game if you remove a card once it's not a prayer priority any more.

You can change  what the categories are for each colour e.g.  If I stop doing Tots. If my husband changes job. If my children move school. 

There is no sense of having to pray through the whole lot, because you just choose a card from the section you land on.

Best of all: My children love it and want to pray!

So I made the board using a program called publisher. The grid is simply a table and could probably be done in Word or something similar.  If anyone wants me to email them my grid I'm happy to. You just won't be able to open it and make changes if you don't have Publisher. I can send an un-editable pdf version though.

Every coloured circle appears twice but one of them has a Bible on it. When you land on this square you pray a Bible verse over the person whose card you took.  I nicked the prayers from my friend's blog and added a couple of my own favourites. I reckon as I come across other prayers in the Bible I can just jot them down on another card to add to the repertoire.  It's been lovely to see how enthusiastic the children are about doing this and to hear them praying scripture over their school teachers!! Yay! :-)


Other special squares:

1) Thank you - thank God for something!
2) man listening - spend a moment listening to God
3) man kneeling at the cross - thank Jesus for dying on the cross for us
4) singing man - sing a praise song to God
5) Globe - pray for people in another country. I found some resources for children for praying through the UN's goals but adapted for children. It gives a short specific story and a couple of simple points for prayer for each day.  I've also sent off for the children's version of Operation World called Window on the world.

6) Hand - reach out and put your hand on someone near you and pray for them
7) Pray4Me - ask someone to pray for you!
8) The Lord's prayer - say the Lord's prayer together
9) Pru - She is our Compassion sponsored child.

I laminated the board I printed out to make it a bit more durable. I also cut out a circle of the laminate and drew a smiley face on it to be our see-through counter with a bit of blue-tak for the nose. My children's favourite is when we land on Pru and the blue tak goes over her nose. Hilarious!  I also got out a cool see-through 20 sided dice just because they'd be motivated about throwing it.  Any dice will do because it really doesn't matter how many spaces you go.

My little boy wanted the numbering to go in a spiral round the edge into the middle so we did that just to be interesting. Then when you get to the end you just jump back to square one and keep going round.

I share this because my friend's blog post helped me and I'm wanting to 'pay it forward' as it were. My prayer is that it will help and inspire you to find a way that works for your family.