Start from the right place – a place of grace

I’ve recently been learning about starting from the right place. (And for those of you who read my last blog post, this was written in January and I'm now 'taking the cling film off'!)

So often I feel condemned and a failure for my lack of love and service for the Lord. He’s been showing me this happens when I start from the wrong place.

The wrong place I keep starting from is a place of legalism where I think I have to do certain things to please God. I’m a great believer in discipline and persevering when things are hard and following through with your commitments (all good things). So when I decide for example on a plan of a certain amount of Bible reading or time in prayer, I charge in with a huge amount of determination and will power. And I can get quite a distance out of my resources. But this is what I find:

1) It becomes a burden – a plate to keep spinning, a ‘box’ to keep ticking, a ‘thing’ on the ‘to do’ list

2)Eventually I trip up, I mess up, I fail and end up feeling condemned and rubbish that my love for God is so small I can’t even do ‘x’.

And despite hearing many messages about grace, I somehow struggle to think they apply to me and my particular failures and weaknesses.

Somehow I need to break free from the legalism of works that I’ve turned my service into and start again from a different place: a place of grace.

The place of grace says I am loved, I am accepted, saved and forgiven, even if I do nothing. “Just receive my love” says grace. Then, if I truly let myself believe and accept his grace, I desire to express my love to God in some way. For example, I want to know him more and spend time reading his word.

The external action -  reading the Bible regularly – is the same as before. And yet the motivation is love rather than legalism.

So what happens on the day I don’t read the Bible? If I’m coming from the place of grace then I’m secure in knowing his love for me never depended on my performance anyway. His love for me flows from an infinite resource of grace and mercy that is not ruffled by my ups and downs.

I’ve tried to express it in these two diagrams:

Thank you Father for your great grace. Help me receive it until I spill over with it in my life. Help me break free from destructive legalistic cycles of performance. Amen.

Take the cling film off!

I've not posted anything on this blog for about a month.  I have been learning loads and have just counted that I have 13 posts 'half done' in my 'blog' folder on the computer.  

For me the 'easy' bit is when I feel God is showing me something, to write it all down in a higgledy piggledy mixed up sort of way, throwing in all sorts of different thoughts and other related stuff as it occurs to me.  So I write it all down and type it all up and think, "That needs some work before I can publish that." Which is true, it does.

However, then the perfectionist in me gets into a panic about not getting it 'right' and makes me feel like I'd rather do nothing than do a bad job. And the bit of me that wants to get my self-worth from the approval of others starts to panic about people's potential reactions to the post.  And the bit of me that wants to get my significance from my post making a difference in others' lives says "What if people read this and feel it was a waste of time and don't find it helpful at all?" And so what I've written gets stuck in the 'in process' stage.

But this weekend I went on my church's weekend away and God spoke to me very clearly through a dream someone shared.  In their dream there was a fridge which had lots of containers with cling film on in it. These containers were left over food that the person had cling filmed to use later.  But they hadn't gone back to them and they were going stale and mouldy and would soon need to be thrown out.

God showed me that these containers are just like my half written blog posts.  When He teaches me things and 'feeds' me, there is more than enough. And the 'more than enough' stuff if meant to be shared and given away to bless others.  He showed me that by not sharing what He's showing me, I'm becoming like a fridge full of leftover food that is going off. Not pleasant.

So often I want the Lord to 'show me what to do'. This weekend He said, "I've shown you what I want you to do already. You don't need a fresh word of instruction, you just need to get on with doing it."

The bit where I go back through what I've written before and try to make it more clear and focused; where I cut out the waffle and clarify the vague: that's hard work. It takes concentration and determination. It takes discernment to decide what's good and what's not. It takes discipline to keep going until it's finished. It takes courage to hit 'publish'. And it isn't as exciting as getting something fresh from God and scribbling it all down in excitement.

So here I am, seeking to be obedient to what he has already told me, getting on with the hard work of actually following through with sharing what God is teaching me.

God also reminded me through the speakers at the weekend away that it isn't my job for what I write to make a difference in anyone's life. That's God job. My part is simply to be faithful in sharing and passing on what He has given me. That really helped take a burden I couldn't possibly carry off my shoulders.

Father, may You in your mercy use this blog to help and encourage others who read it, to remember what You have already spoken to them about. Give them the grace, courage and determination to obey - to sacrificially lay down their lives in service to you in whatever you have created them for.  Amen.

And as Mary said to the servants at the wedding banquet: "Do whatever he tells you" (John 2:5).

The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst

Book review – The Best Yes By Lysa TerKeurst

 

I always find personal recommendations very helpful to know whether to read a book or not.   It’s been good for me too to go back through notes I’ve made and remind myself what I wanted to take away from this book. So are my highlights:

1) Take time with God to listen

“⁹ And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰ so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. “ Phil 1:9-10

Only God can help me discern what is best for me at this time. God puts things in our hearts that are just for us. How do we get in tune with what God has for us?  Time with him.

‘This time spent searching for me and my truths? This desperate dependence on me? This is your very best yes.’ Lysa TerKeurst

[My challenge has been to not let the hours fritter away that I’ve freed up and not to wait for the ‘perfect’ moment when there are no interruptions or other jobs to do.]

2) Say no

There are some helpful chapters on saying ‘no’.  It’s ok to say ‘That’s not my assignment’. There are many good and noble things to be done but they are not all my assignment. An attitude of love can still say no. Remember, God is the master provider. It doesn’t all depend on me. [These chapters gave me the courage I needed to resign from the school fundraising committee and to email a few people about taking a break for Jan and Feb from some of my commitments. And I was amazed how encouraging and supportive most people have been about me saying no to things!]

‘As hard as it is to disappoint a person in order to keep your appointment with God, on the other side of awkward awaits a promised land you don’t want to miss.’ Lysa TerKeurst

3) Don’t wait for perfect

Sometimes there are multiple paths that are all good. Don’t get stuck! There’s no such thing as a perfect decision. Every great success story has elements of failure. [This is where my perfectionist tendencies get me stuck: I don’t want to do it unless it’ll all be brilliant so I don’t start at all. This is why I have many unpublished blog posts – because I get stuck when it’s not perfect.]

4) Release

Release leads to peace and diminishes regrets. A tree must release its autumn leaves to be ready for the snows of winter. In order to be ready for a new season we have to release things of the previous season.  Life is full of seasons. I don’t have to panic that I will be stuck with choices I make now for ever.

5) Growth mindset

She discusses the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset feels stuck in patterns of thinking and believing from the past. A person has themselves in a box of ‘this is just how I am’. A growth mindset sees my skills, relationships and intelligence as a starting place, not a finishing line. To see that through hard work, learning and resilience I can grow past my insecurities. I can be free from where I’ve been in the past and stop limiting what I believe God can do through me. Start with baby steps of right decision.

6) Mothering

[A few bits of the book refer to motherhood and spoke to me in my insecurities as a mother] Don’t draw a line from my child’s wrong choice to my weakness in mothering. What if God looked for a mum strong enough to pray this child all the way through their stuff? Entrusted not cursed with this child. Tell your children their mistakes don’t define them.

Conclusion

This is by no means an equal covering on the content of the book. However,  I hope it is helpful in giving a flavour of the insights to be gained.  And as I’ve just reminded myself of point 3: “don’t wait for perfect”, I’ll go ahead and publish this! J

Worship is a way of saying 'I love you'

God did a beautiful thing in our house on Sunday evening when we had a little ‘worship time’. He taught me something incredible about worship. He showed me that it can be anything when it  is done for him out of love.

Most of the time when I think of worship, I think of singing songs.  But round the dinner table we brainstormed as to what worship really was. (Please note this was not an exhaustive theological study on worship) See the result below:

  

And at its heart I saw that worship is doing something for God because we love Him.  My daughter loves to draw pictures, but when she draws one and brings it to me and tells me it is for me, that makes it infinitely more special to me.   And so it is with God. He loves it when we do something for Him.

So we then brainstormed as to what things we could do that could be worship.  We started with the more ‘traditional’ and obvious ones and moved towards less conventional notions of making lego models and cooking.  

We realised that almost anything can be worship if it is done for God’s pleasure, to honour Him and express our love for Him.

So I said we were going to have 5 minutes worshipping God in any way that we wanted. (Just so you know we’re human and not super-spiritual, this was because I’d forgotten to put the pudding in the oven earlier and we needed to kill some time before it was ready.)  My little boy was delighted to choose making a lego model. My daughter decided to do loom bands. Our guest chose drawing, my husband chose praying and I chose writing (the result is below).

  

 What followed was one of the most beautiful five minutes I can remember.  There was a tangible peace and the presence of Jesus.  No one spoke.  Each of us was absorbed in our worship.  It was so lovely I let it stretch longer as I didn’t want it to end (which resulted in the pudding getting burnt because I forgot about it! J).

We then showed and shared what we’d done. I suggested to my little boy to lift up his model and say ‘Here’s my model God. I made it for you to say I love you.’  He did it so beautifully and honestly that I was very moved.  Likewise my daughter (more reluctantly) said ‘This is for you God’. 

I was struck by how limited I get by traditional ideas of what worship is. And I also realised that it had freed the children to worship God in a way that was much more accessible to them as they cannot read fluently yet.  It has really made me ponder being much wider and freer in what I call worship and the ways I enable the children to engage in worship.

I hope this will encourage you to think about what ways you could worship God that match your gifts and personality.  I also hope this will inspire parents to explore with their children how they can worship God in their own way.  Please do comment below if you have experiences to share on this topic.

Gracious Heavenly Father, Thank you for the beautiful way you blessed our family worship time with your peace and presence on Sunday. Thank you for the width and breadth of ways we can worship You. Set us free to worship You in more of the ways You have created us to, that You may be greatly glorified. May you be filled with delight as you see your children worship you joyfully in the ways that express all that you have uniquely put in their hearts.  Amen

Manna for today - Enough!

Sharing what I have 'gathered' for today 3 Feb 2015

‘Not enough’

I always feel like I’ve not done enough.

I’ve read my Bible today. But have I read enough?

I’ve prayed today. But have I prayed hard enough, long enough, about enough? Does it ‘count’ if half of it was wandery thoughts in Your presence?

I try to spend quality time with my children and husband.

I try to talk about you with the family.

Read Christian blogs and books.

Pray as a family. Etc. Etc. 

But is it enough?

I can never do enough to satisfy that question.

I need to run from that question to You.

Only You are enough.

Enough for my weakness, doubt and failure. Enough to cover all my sin. Enough to rescue the world.

Thank You that You are enough. Enough for today. Enough for each person whatever they are going through. Enough to entrust all my doubts, fears and questions to. Enough to handle the past, present and future. Enough to hold on to me whatever storm I’m facing. Enough to love me through this day and every day. For ever. Amen.

Manna for today - take your umbrella down

Sharing what I have 'gathered' for today 2 Feb 2015

Romans 5:5

‘God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.’

I am loved. Fact.
Love has been poured into my heart as a free gift.

Why do I not feel it or believe it sometimes?

Because I believe the lies of the enemy –

You’re not worthy.

You don’t deserve it.

You’ve not tried hard enough.

You’ve not repented enough.

You’re too selfish.

And it’s like I’ve taken the shield of faith which I’m meant to use to shield my heart from these fiery darts from the enemy and I’ve stuck it over my head like an umbrella to block God’s message of love out of some false sense of humility or shame.

How crazy is that?!?

Lord, give us discernment as to the lies we let ourselves believe that stop us receiving and rejoicing in the love You are pouring into our hearts. I take my umbrella down and dance in the monsoon rain of love You are pouring down on me. I reposition the shield of faith to block the enemy’s lies that aim to steal my joy and freedom. Amen.

Manna for today - Don't work!

Sharing what I have 'gathered' for today 1 Feb 2015

Romans 4:5

‘And to the one who does not work but trust him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness.’

According to this verse, God justifies:

‘the one who does not work’

‘the ungodly’

I’m a bit shocked!

Rather, He looks for trust and faith.

Why? Then He gets the glory.

He is the amazing One.

He is the gracious One.

If I have to work for my salvation, it’s just like being paid for doing a job (Rom 4:4). There’s nothing special about that.

If my justification is a gift . . .

It’s insulting to try to pay someone back for a gift.

My salvation rests on grace so that it can be guaranteed (Rom 4:16). If it rested on my performance there would be no guarantee.

God counts me as righteous as Abraham, as righteous as Jesus

And I’ll have to do is believe it!

Forgive me Lord for try to pay you back for your free gift. I accept it. I receive it. I rejoice in it. Amen.