The Best Yes by Lysa TerKeurst

Book review – The Best Yes By Lysa TerKeurst

 

I always find personal recommendations very helpful to know whether to read a book or not.   It’s been good for me too to go back through notes I’ve made and remind myself what I wanted to take away from this book. So are my highlights:

1) Take time with God to listen

“⁹ And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰ so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God. “ Phil 1:9-10

Only God can help me discern what is best for me at this time. God puts things in our hearts that are just for us. How do we get in tune with what God has for us?  Time with him.

‘This time spent searching for me and my truths? This desperate dependence on me? This is your very best yes.’ Lysa TerKeurst

[My challenge has been to not let the hours fritter away that I’ve freed up and not to wait for the ‘perfect’ moment when there are no interruptions or other jobs to do.]

2) Say no

There are some helpful chapters on saying ‘no’.  It’s ok to say ‘That’s not my assignment’. There are many good and noble things to be done but they are not all my assignment. An attitude of love can still say no. Remember, God is the master provider. It doesn’t all depend on me. [These chapters gave me the courage I needed to resign from the school fundraising committee and to email a few people about taking a break for Jan and Feb from some of my commitments. And I was amazed how encouraging and supportive most people have been about me saying no to things!]

‘As hard as it is to disappoint a person in order to keep your appointment with God, on the other side of awkward awaits a promised land you don’t want to miss.’ Lysa TerKeurst

3) Don’t wait for perfect

Sometimes there are multiple paths that are all good. Don’t get stuck! There’s no such thing as a perfect decision. Every great success story has elements of failure. [This is where my perfectionist tendencies get me stuck: I don’t want to do it unless it’ll all be brilliant so I don’t start at all. This is why I have many unpublished blog posts – because I get stuck when it’s not perfect.]

4) Release

Release leads to peace and diminishes regrets. A tree must release its autumn leaves to be ready for the snows of winter. In order to be ready for a new season we have to release things of the previous season.  Life is full of seasons. I don’t have to panic that I will be stuck with choices I make now for ever.

5) Growth mindset

She discusses the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset feels stuck in patterns of thinking and believing from the past. A person has themselves in a box of ‘this is just how I am’. A growth mindset sees my skills, relationships and intelligence as a starting place, not a finishing line. To see that through hard work, learning and resilience I can grow past my insecurities. I can be free from where I’ve been in the past and stop limiting what I believe God can do through me. Start with baby steps of right decision.

6) Mothering

[A few bits of the book refer to motherhood and spoke to me in my insecurities as a mother] Don’t draw a line from my child’s wrong choice to my weakness in mothering. What if God looked for a mum strong enough to pray this child all the way through their stuff? Entrusted not cursed with this child. Tell your children their mistakes don’t define them.

Conclusion

This is by no means an equal covering on the content of the book. However,  I hope it is helpful in giving a flavour of the insights to be gained.  And as I’ve just reminded myself of point 3: “don’t wait for perfect”, I’ll go ahead and publish this! J

Worship is a way of saying 'I love you'

God did a beautiful thing in our house on Sunday evening when we had a little ‘worship time’. He taught me something incredible about worship. He showed me that it can be anything when it  is done for him out of love.

Most of the time when I think of worship, I think of singing songs.  But round the dinner table we brainstormed as to what worship really was. (Please note this was not an exhaustive theological study on worship) See the result below:

  

And at its heart I saw that worship is doing something for God because we love Him.  My daughter loves to draw pictures, but when she draws one and brings it to me and tells me it is for me, that makes it infinitely more special to me.   And so it is with God. He loves it when we do something for Him.

So we then brainstormed as to what things we could do that could be worship.  We started with the more ‘traditional’ and obvious ones and moved towards less conventional notions of making lego models and cooking.  

We realised that almost anything can be worship if it is done for God’s pleasure, to honour Him and express our love for Him.

So I said we were going to have 5 minutes worshipping God in any way that we wanted. (Just so you know we’re human and not super-spiritual, this was because I’d forgotten to put the pudding in the oven earlier and we needed to kill some time before it was ready.)  My little boy was delighted to choose making a lego model. My daughter decided to do loom bands. Our guest chose drawing, my husband chose praying and I chose writing (the result is below).

  

 What followed was one of the most beautiful five minutes I can remember.  There was a tangible peace and the presence of Jesus.  No one spoke.  Each of us was absorbed in our worship.  It was so lovely I let it stretch longer as I didn’t want it to end (which resulted in the pudding getting burnt because I forgot about it! J).

We then showed and shared what we’d done. I suggested to my little boy to lift up his model and say ‘Here’s my model God. I made it for you to say I love you.’  He did it so beautifully and honestly that I was very moved.  Likewise my daughter (more reluctantly) said ‘This is for you God’. 

I was struck by how limited I get by traditional ideas of what worship is. And I also realised that it had freed the children to worship God in a way that was much more accessible to them as they cannot read fluently yet.  It has really made me ponder being much wider and freer in what I call worship and the ways I enable the children to engage in worship.

I hope this will encourage you to think about what ways you could worship God that match your gifts and personality.  I also hope this will inspire parents to explore with their children how they can worship God in their own way.  Please do comment below if you have experiences to share on this topic.

Gracious Heavenly Father, Thank you for the beautiful way you blessed our family worship time with your peace and presence on Sunday. Thank you for the width and breadth of ways we can worship You. Set us free to worship You in more of the ways You have created us to, that You may be greatly glorified. May you be filled with delight as you see your children worship you joyfully in the ways that express all that you have uniquely put in their hearts.  Amen

Manna for today - Enough!

Sharing what I have 'gathered' for today 3 Feb 2015

‘Not enough’

I always feel like I’ve not done enough.

I’ve read my Bible today. But have I read enough?

I’ve prayed today. But have I prayed hard enough, long enough, about enough? Does it ‘count’ if half of it was wandery thoughts in Your presence?

I try to spend quality time with my children and husband.

I try to talk about you with the family.

Read Christian blogs and books.

Pray as a family. Etc. Etc. 

But is it enough?

I can never do enough to satisfy that question.

I need to run from that question to You.

Only You are enough.

Enough for my weakness, doubt and failure. Enough to cover all my sin. Enough to rescue the world.

Thank You that You are enough. Enough for today. Enough for each person whatever they are going through. Enough to entrust all my doubts, fears and questions to. Enough to handle the past, present and future. Enough to hold on to me whatever storm I’m facing. Enough to love me through this day and every day. For ever. Amen.

Manna for today - take your umbrella down

Sharing what I have 'gathered' for today 2 Feb 2015

Romans 5:5

‘God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.’

I am loved. Fact.
Love has been poured into my heart as a free gift.

Why do I not feel it or believe it sometimes?

Because I believe the lies of the enemy –

You’re not worthy.

You don’t deserve it.

You’ve not tried hard enough.

You’ve not repented enough.

You’re too selfish.

And it’s like I’ve taken the shield of faith which I’m meant to use to shield my heart from these fiery darts from the enemy and I’ve stuck it over my head like an umbrella to block God’s message of love out of some false sense of humility or shame.

How crazy is that?!?

Lord, give us discernment as to the lies we let ourselves believe that stop us receiving and rejoicing in the love You are pouring into our hearts. I take my umbrella down and dance in the monsoon rain of love You are pouring down on me. I reposition the shield of faith to block the enemy’s lies that aim to steal my joy and freedom. Amen.

Manna for today - Don't work!

Sharing what I have 'gathered' for today 1 Feb 2015

Romans 4:5

‘And to the one who does not work but trust him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness.’

According to this verse, God justifies:

‘the one who does not work’

‘the ungodly’

I’m a bit shocked!

Rather, He looks for trust and faith.

Why? Then He gets the glory.

He is the amazing One.

He is the gracious One.

If I have to work for my salvation, it’s just like being paid for doing a job (Rom 4:4). There’s nothing special about that.

If my justification is a gift . . .

It’s insulting to try to pay someone back for a gift.

My salvation rests on grace so that it can be guaranteed (Rom 4:16). If it rested on my performance there would be no guarantee.

God counts me as righteous as Abraham, as righteous as Jesus

And I’ll have to do is believe it!

Forgive me Lord for try to pay you back for your free gift. I accept it. I receive it. I rejoice in it. Amen.

Fighting back perfectionism - a post about parenting

Over this past month of ‘sabbatical’. I have realised that I have become more calm, confident and consistent in my discipline of the children. Things have been going much better at home. Why have I suddenly made this ‘progress’ on an issue I’ve wrestled with so long and deeply?

I’ve want to be those three things for years but couldn’t find the way.  As I reflected on what has made the difference, three factors stood out:

1) God’s grace – First and foremost He is doing a work in me that I cannot do myself. The glory goes to Him.

2) Fighting back perfectionism – My perfectionism told me that if I was a perfect mum, my children would behave perfectly (total nonsense I know, but I’ve come to recognise this was driving my responses and behaviour). So any misbehaviour by my children I took personally as showing up my failure. Because I was already being so down on myself, this added weight would cause me to respond out of proportion. I would be angry at the children for showing me to be a failure which wasn’t fair on them. They were just being normal, regular, imperfect little people.

Dealing with this (or at least, recognising it and starting a new habit of rejecting this way of thinking and responding) has helped me be more calm and controlled in dealing with misbehaviour because I see it for what it is rather than as an attack on me.

3) Fewer external pressures. This last month I have stepped back from as many commitments as possible and have kept a strict “no preparation” rule – not doing anything that required me to take time and head space to prepare beforehand.  The result has been I’ve slowed down enough to be “all there”. To fully enter into and enjoy more extended times with the children and family without lists of ;stuff I need to do’ dancing round my head so much, making me impatient to get a chance to get on with jobs.

Father I thank you for your gracious gentle working in my life. Thank you for all you are teaching me and showing me – in Your perfect way and perfect timing.

Keep setting me free from shackles of perfectionism and anything that binds me from the joy and freedom which You bought for me with Jesus’ blood. Amen.

No condemnation

A few months back God did a  beautiful thing for me which helped me start this journey into really believing in His grace to me.

I was reading John 3:16 which I know so well, but when I read the next verse it struck me like I’d never heard it before:

‘For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but order that the world might be saved through him.’ John 3:17

I realised that is not how I was living. It was almost as if I’d become a Christian in order to feel condemned.  I thought the normal mode of living as a Christian was to feel guilty and rubbish about my failures and inability to live up to God’s standard.

God showed me He does not want to condemn. He has done everything possible in order that He does not have to condemn me. He wants me to be set free from condemnation.

Then I read Romans 8:1 ‘There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus’. It does not say ‘There is no condemnation for those who have managed to get it all right.’

It is not dependent on my performance but on my position – being in Christ Jesus. All I have to do is be His and He has done everything needed to make that possible.

I was almost a bit scandalized at the thought of not feeling condemned but the Word of God spelt it out pretty clearly.

However, I was still rather stuck in my negative way of thinking about myself and so God had to do more.  For about a fortnight, every time I thought a negative thought about myself, put myself down, felt guilty or condemned, it was as if God had one of those huge inflatable mallets.  He would (lovingly!) donk me on the head with it and whisper “No condemnation!” in my ear.

For example, a visitor came on a Sunday and we had no milk. I went to the shop to get milk feeling guilty – if I do buy milk, then I’m shopping on a Sunday; if I don’t buy milk I can’t offer our visitor a drink. Either way I feel rubbish. I can’t win.

Suddenly: DONK! “No condemnation!” 

My response, “What God? How can  you not condemn me? I’m still on the way to buy the milk!”

God said “You’re doing it to show love to your visitor. I love you and I don’t condemn you even while you are going to the shop and buying the milk.”

I’m still a bit shocked that God would say that to me, but I know it didn’t come from me.

He had to donk me on the head again and again.  I was amazed how often I thought negatively about myself in a day and how often I  had to keep hearing this message.  I had to keep hearing it again and again in order to begin to let myself believe it.

I have it stuck in several places around my house because I need to keep taking hold of this precious truth.

Thank you Father for the beautiful, crazy, loving way you helped me change my negative thought patterns. Thank you that you don’t condemn me because you don’t condemn Jesus. I am found in Him, clothed in His righteousness.

I pray you will use this post to help more of your children to live free from condemnation also. Amen