Fighting back perfectionism - a post about parenting

Over this past month of ‘sabbatical’. I have realised that I have become more calm, confident and consistent in my discipline of the children. Things have been going much better at home. Why have I suddenly made this ‘progress’ on an issue I’ve wrestled with so long and deeply?

I’ve want to be those three things for years but couldn’t find the way.  As I reflected on what has made the difference, three factors stood out:

1) God’s grace – First and foremost He is doing a work in me that I cannot do myself. The glory goes to Him.

2) Fighting back perfectionism – My perfectionism told me that if I was a perfect mum, my children would behave perfectly (total nonsense I know, but I’ve come to recognise this was driving my responses and behaviour). So any misbehaviour by my children I took personally as showing up my failure. Because I was already being so down on myself, this added weight would cause me to respond out of proportion. I would be angry at the children for showing me to be a failure which wasn’t fair on them. They were just being normal, regular, imperfect little people.

Dealing with this (or at least, recognising it and starting a new habit of rejecting this way of thinking and responding) has helped me be more calm and controlled in dealing with misbehaviour because I see it for what it is rather than as an attack on me.

3) Fewer external pressures. This last month I have stepped back from as many commitments as possible and have kept a strict “no preparation” rule – not doing anything that required me to take time and head space to prepare beforehand.  The result has been I’ve slowed down enough to be “all there”. To fully enter into and enjoy more extended times with the children and family without lists of ;stuff I need to do’ dancing round my head so much, making me impatient to get a chance to get on with jobs.

Father I thank you for your gracious gentle working in my life. Thank you for all you are teaching me and showing me – in Your perfect way and perfect timing.

Keep setting me free from shackles of perfectionism and anything that binds me from the joy and freedom which You bought for me with Jesus’ blood. Amen.