The year of the stockings

Well it all started in Hobbycraft. I saw a cute little stocking with reindeers on the front and I wanted one. But the stocking was too small. I wanted a bigger one with those smiling reindeers on. And so birthed in my heart the desire to make  a stocking for each of my two children that was ‘not too big’ and ‘not too small’ and ‘just right’. And then I saw the sparkly iron-on letters and now I wanted to make personalised stockings for my children.

So I shared my idea with my husband who said “No. We have stockings already for the children. There is already so much to do. This task is unnecessary.” And he was right. And I agreed with him.

But this desire had got a grip of me and although I had agreed with my husband, I went out and bought the stuff I would need ‘just in case I had some spare time’. And then, with the stuff in my house, my desire to make it grew even stronger and I started on the stockings surreptitiously when my husband was out.  I kept working on them until they were nearly finished before confessing to my husband so that by then it would be too late for him to tell me to stop. (He was very lovely and gracious to me when I confessed by the way.)

When they were finished I was really pleased with how they looked. They’d turned out better than I’d hoped. But they are tinged with sadness now, because of the way I did it.

It’s not wrong or sinful to make personalised stockings for your children. (Although it is not strictly necessary). However, my deceit towards my husband by saying one thing and doing another, and my putting my desire for these stockings above honesty and submission to my husband, that was wrong.

And then when I hung the stockings by the fire place, the children were very excited, but I realised I had made it be all about getting presents and that was not where the focus should be.

So I have since made another personalised stocking that says “Jesus”. I have hung that above the fireplace. And my desire is to help myself and my family to focus on what we can give to the One who gave everything for us. 

Jesus, help me honour You in the way I prepare for and 'do' Christmas. Help me see what is important and what is not. May I give you the gift of my love and obedience this Christmas. Amen.

Post script:
Here is Jesus' stocking and its contents when we pulled them all out on Christmas day.  See my comment below.

Don't stop too short

“You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life. " John 5: 39-40 

It is possible to search the Scriptures and think that life is found in them. To spend many hours in Bible reading and Bible study and to almost worship the Scriptures. But the Scriptures are there to point to Jesus. Life is found in Him. I need to come to Jesus to have life. The Scriptures are a tool to point me to him but if I come to the Scriptures and stop there, I have stopped too short.

Jesus forgive me for thinking that my righteousness or salvation is somehow linked to how well I’m keeping up with my Bible reading plan or how many chapters I’ve read on a certain day. Forgive me for dealing with the Scriptures on a purely intellectual basis. May I come to your word with a heart that is seeking You above all else.   Thank you for your promise: “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13. Amen.

Fullness of joy

Sometimes it can seem as if a particular word keeps cropping up and for me lately that word has been ‘joy’. And I’ve felt like it’s something I really want but don’t really know what it really is or how to get it. So I’ve been meditating on this scripture:

You make known to me the path of life;

in your presence there is fullness of joy;

Psalm 16:11

And here I discover that it’s actually very simple. Joy is found in His presence. In a strange way it can seem easier to pursue joy by running around trying to do and get things that give me pleasure and minimise the things that I don’t like.

What if the challenge of finding joy was simply this: to say ‘no’ to some of the busy-ness: the ‘jobs’ that seem so necessary, the TV watching time that seems so important for relaxing, the social engagements that are so fun. What if it was simply to say ‘yes’ to Jesus. To sit quietly in His presence. To take time not just to blurt out all the things I’m struggling with and all the things I want him to do for me. But to take time to ‘be’ in His presence. To still my soul to listen to Him. To tune into His heart. To let myself know His love and power available for me right here and now. 

Jesus, forgive me for hunting for joy in all the wrong places. It is found in You. I come to You now. Show me the path of life – to walk with You through this life. Help me still myself now before You and to hear and receive what You want to show me. Amen.

Little things

This year I got to see both my two children in a nativity play at their primary school. It was called Prickly Hay and told the story of the stable boy who cleaned out the stable and put fresh soft hay in the manger for baby Jesus to sleep on. 

At one point he complains that nobody sees the job he does and that it’s not very important. But it turns out to have been very important because it meant that the stable was clean for Jesus to be born in and the hay was soft for Jesus to lie on.

Part way through the children sing a song with this chorus:

If you think you’re not important

For the little things you do

Just remember God above

Is very proud of you.

As an ‘at home’ mum with both children now at school, I have wrestled with feeling not important, not seen and that what I do is very ‘little’.

But this song reminded me of a quote of Mother Theresa that I used to have up on the wall:

‘Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.’

I was reminded again not to judge the importance of things by the world’s standards. God looks at the heart and little things done with great love are great things in His eyes. 

Jesus gotta be top of the list

I am a woman who writes lists. I always have a sheet of paper on the go that is a ‘to do’ list. Then I usually have another that is my list of what I want to achieve that day. I usually am too ambitious about what I want to get done and add things until the list is too long to accomplish.

But when  it comes to Christmas, I now get a notebook. A notebook of lists with a list of the lists it contains in the front!!  There is always so much to remember and do.

This year we taught the Sunday school children a Colin Buchanan song called ‘Jesus gotta be top of the list’ from his fantastic album Jingle Jingle Jesus.  The chorus goes like this:

Jesus gotta be top of the list at Christmas

Jesus gotta be top of the list all year.

This gets repeated a lot so it has got well and truly stuck in my head this Christmas. And it has really spoken to me and challenged me. I’ve taken to writing ‘Jesus’ at the top of all my lists. But the real place he needs to be ‘top of the list’ is in my heart.

Christmas is a time with many different expectations of present buying, card writing, party attending etc etc and it can get quite hectic.  And when things get busy, what gets squeezed out? Time with God? Patience with my children? Kindness to my husband? Peace in my heart?

If I can’t put Jesus top of the list at Christmas, when it’s supposed to be all about him, then how is he going to be top of the list the rest of the year?

Jesus, I want to put you top of the list in my heart now, this Christmas and all year. When I let other things crowd you out, will you lovingly and gently remind me. Thank you.  Amen.

The reluctant kings

This year I had the opportunity to help with the nativity service at our church and had the role of narrator. I found an excellent resource (The No-Rehearsal Nativity by Janine Gillion) which helped me devise a script where the narrator could interact with the characters and help them know where to stand and what to do or say. Most of the children taking part were 5 and under so we couldn’t expect them to know or remember what to do so it was helpful to be able to direct them and guide them through.

Three boys were born in our church in a short time frame and now all these boys are 1 year old. I cast them as the three kings.  There were lots of laughs as the parents tried to herd their toddlers round the church to follow the star. They were oblivious to the occasion and what was expected of them and kept running off, getting distracted or just refusing to go anywhere.  It was very sweet and got a good laugh. We sang an extra chorus of the carol to give them a bit more time to complete the journey and joked about the very long way the wise men had to travel.

But then came the point where they were back at the front of church and were meant to give their gifts. So the script now mentioned giving the gift of gold. Only one king had made it back so far to the front of the church with his mum, so I asked, “Would he like to give his gift now to Jesus?” to which the mum replied, “Not really.”  Another good laugh. Very honest. Yes, this little boy had his gift and liked it and didn’t want to give it up.

Then it came to the gift of frankincense. By now we had another toddler running around the front with one of the gifts so I invited him to give it. He remained oblivious, happily running around with his little bottle and his mum repeatedly trying to get his attention and get him to come and put his gift in the manger. Again, the congregation had a good chuckle.

Finally we came to the gift of myrrh. This king had refused to put his costume on at all and, having been forced to go round the church against his will, wasn’t going to go anywhere now!  We discovered then that his dad had a gift for amateur dramatics, and with the little cloak tied around his neck and the little crown balanced on his head, the dad came and presented the final gift at the manger to roars of laughter and applause.

I wonder to what extent I can be like these toddlers but in a much more subtle way. God has given me gifts – time, health, energy, resources, talents. How willing am I to surrender them to Him?

Jesus, everything I have has come from You. And yet I so jealously hoard things as mine.  I come now and bow, laying it all at Your feet. Take my gifts and use them for Your glory. Amen.

What can I give him, poor as I am?

If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;

If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;

Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

Fear not for I am with you

This morning I woke up with this song in my head from last Sunday's worship at church:

Fear not for I am with you 

Fear not for I am with you 

Fear not for I am with you

Says the Lord

I have redeemed you, I have called you by name

Child you are mine

When you walk through the waters I will be there

And through the flame

You'll not be drowned

You'll  not be burned

For I am with you.

Here's a you tube video of it if you want to listen: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEqeGCW5H8o

As I sang it in my head, I remembered how amazing it was singing that with my church family last Sunday. What confidence and faith I had as I sang it.  What a contrast to how I've been feeling at times since then.

It has been a week of internal battle. I have been feeling 'down' and lethargic. Just wanting to be a couch potato, watch films, eat chocolate (to the point I've broken out in teenage spots!) and procrastinate the jobs I don't feel like doing. 

It's been a week where I look back and say 'How pathetic!' A week where I've broken nearly every resolution I've made. I've wallowed in self-pity about how feeble I am to find myself where I am. The plan was I was going to have changed the world by now.  And here I am just battling to keep any resolution to spend time in prayer and with the Lord.

 

Then as the words of this song went through my head, I realised I needed to preach it to myself. 

I started singing it more purposefully, telling myself not to fear.  Why not? Not because I'm great but because He is great! And He is with me.

I need to stop looking in at myself and feeling rubbish about my faults and failures. If I get stuck there, I just spiral down into hopelessness.

I need to look at my Lord. I cannot win the battle because I am great and strong. I can win the battle because HE is great and strong and He is by my side and He is with me and for me. 

I cannot overcome my pride, impatient and selfishness.  But He can. 

God once gave me a picture of me being in a battle and fearful of joining in the fight, but Jesus came and said "Come and fight beside me. Learn from me and I'll protect you too." The safest place was in the thick of the battle beside Jesus, learning to fight beside him, rather than hiding in fear. 

It's ok that I'm weak. I just have to stop thinking I have to do it all in my own strength.

I need to keep preaching the truth to myself - the reason I have no need to fear is because God is with me.  Hallelujah!

Enjoy

When I first met Lucas, now my husband, I was under a lot of pressure at work and needed to do a serious chunk of  preparation each Saturday for the week ahead.  We so wanted to be together that I would come round to his house and sit at his desk doing my work while he did housework and other jobs.  Every so often he'd come and rub my shoulders, offer me a cup of tea and ask how it was going. I loved it!  But even when he was in another part of the house I still had a wonderful sense of us being together while we were doing our separate work. We just enjoyed being in the same house, even though we were not spending time focused on each other.

So it is with God. It's not that we have to always be 100% focused on Him, although we do need some time like that.  Rather, I am discovering 'doing life' in His company.

I recently attended a church women's "quiet day" during which we were  given some time to be quiet.  As the leader introduced the session I felt the Lord simply said to me "Enjoy".  We were in a beautiful location and were encouraged to explore the woods and lake during our 'quiet time'.

So I went for a walk in the woods and I simply enjoyed it. I enjoyed the quiet sounds. The crunching under my feet. The snapping of twigs. Scuffing debris underfoot. The gentle rain pattering on the leaves above. The sound of other's footsteps.  The quiet serene beauty. The stillness and quiet of trees simply putting roots down and spreading out their branches in grateful praise. Not striving to be the most impressive tree or to be planted elsewhere. Just being who they are, where they are planted and receiving the seasons and provision of rain as God's good and perfect plan.  Not trying to earn it or deserve it. And I enjoyed knowing God was with me and was sharing in my enjoyment of this amazing part of His creation.

Whatever we enjoy is made more beautiful by recognising it is all a love gift from Him. And enjoying it together with Him, knowing He is present with us.

Enjoying His presence.  Enjoying being loved by Him. Enjoying Him.

Just as I want my children to enjoy good things I give them, so my Heavenly Father wants me to enjoy the good gifts He gives.  He also wants me to enjoy Him.  Not to come with guilt, obligation and duty. Not trying to 'tick off' prayer, Bible reading or worship from my 'to do' list. But as with someone you love, to just to enjoy being with Him no matter what we're doing.

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your presence in my life and the many good gifts I receive from you each day. Thank you that you delight in us simply enjoying your provision and enjoying You. Help me to keep remembering to 'do life' with you whatever I am doing.  Amen

God's love is everywhere

One of the things I love about working with pre-schoolers is that it makes you focus on the basic and simple messages of the gospel and makes you spend time reflecting on ways to communicate them in easy to understand ways.   And I find that it does me so much good.  I minister to myself at least as much if not more than I do to them. This is why I highly recommend getting involved with teaching children in Sunday school or some other group.  You may doze through a dozen sermons and not remember much of what was said. But you will remember the truths you strove hard to convey in a fun and lively way to a bunch of children.

So it was for me today. At toddler group, we're simply working through the story of creation. Obviously something I'm super familiar with. Probably over familiar with.  However, this time as we've gone through the creation story I've been doing it with a new focus.

The thing that has struck me is how the whole of creation is an expression of God's love for us.  Today we looked at different kinds of leaves and flowers I'd brought in from the garden.

Aren't they lovely? They are so beautiful.
Aren't they varied? He didn't have to make so many kinds.
Aren't they incredible?  They make food from sunlight, air and water!
They are necessary for us to keep having oxygen to breathe! The cleverest scientists in the world still don't fully understand how they do it.

Just a simple leaf tells me how powerful, wise and loving God is. And we are so used to it we have grown deaf and blind to what it tells us. We have lost the child-like wonder of how incredible it is.

Open your eyes today and look at the things you have become familiar with and take for granted.  Just stop and think about how they got there and why they are there. And take some time to thank the One who put them there - for the love He has for you that caused Him to put them there.

I bow in awe at Your feet Creator God. Your might and power are greater than we can grasp and Your love deeper than we will ever know. I love You. I worship You. I adore You. Amen.

Sow liberally

When a farmer sows seed, he does not count each seed and expect each one to grow to full maturity. He knows that some will not take root, some will be eaten by birds and some will get crowded out by other plants.  So he sows liberally, knowing that those seeds that do grow to maturity will produce a plentiful enough harvest.

It is the same in the parable of the sower where the seed represents the message about the kingdom (Matthew 13:18).  Some seed falls on the path and is snatched away. Some falls on stony ground and the plants that sprout up don’t get deep roots and so wither. Some plants gets choked with thorns. Only a final portion grows to full maturity and bears fruit. Jesus told his disciples that this parable represents the different responses people have to hearing the gospel.

 I have a tendency to feel with evangelism that it’s my job to somehow get the soil ready first or to make sure I only ‘sow’ when I’ve found ‘good soil’.  And if someone fails to respond to the gospel, I can feel it was down to my poor ‘sowing’ or preparing.

But Jesus told this very story while preaching to  a large crowd, many of whom did not respond to his message. And of those who did, the majority ‘fell away’ when persecution came.  This did not mean he shared the message with the wrong people or in the wrong way.  

And so we can learn a lesson about sowing from this: To walk through our lives liberally sharing God’s love and the message of saving grace with others.  And not to let the enemy get in with saying we somehow got it wrong because of the response or lack of it.

Father, forgive me when I let doubt and fear of how others will respond hold me back from speaking of you. May I sow liberally of your love and grace and always remember the job of producing a harvest is not mine.  Amen.

PS I'd just like to add a further word of testimony about the battle to 'sow the seed' and publish what I have written above. I held back from posting this yesterday because I felt it wasn't good enough.   Then today I read someone else's post about a similar thing at (In)courage:

http://www.incourage.me/2015/10/keep-planting-those-seeds.html

I was at first tempted to feel that their post is 'better' than mine and therefore mine not worth publishing. But that goes against the message I've been writing about and what they are saying too!  We need to continue to be faithful in doing small things - sharing simple words of encouragement - even if they are not stunning or world-changing. Each small act we do of sharing the good things God has given us, He can use for His glory.  So I choose to sow the seed of this post and pray that somewhere God can use these words (and/or the words of the other blog I've linked to) to bless and encourage you today. 

Known by our love

“by this everyone will know that you are my disciples . . . “ John 13:35a

What are Christians known for by today’s society?  By what they are against? For hypocrisy and dogmatism? Nice but a bit misguided? Not tolerant enough? A bit out of date and out of touch?

This is how we should stand out:

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”  John 13:35

Our love should be the defining characteristic that marks our lives. People today often say that faith is a personal thing. They keep it is so private that no one knows what they believe.

Heidi Baker puts it this way: “Love looks like something”. If you love someone, it is expressed in outward ways that cannot be hidden.  If I said I loved you but there was no evidence of it, you would question the reality of the love.  If I didn’t talk with you, want to spend time with you or help you where I could, you would wonder how ‘real’ this love was.

It is the same with our love for the Lord. Christians today have got such a firm grasp on grace which is great: I don’t have to do anything in order to earn God’s love. This is true. But if my love for him does not make a difference to the way I live my life, I question how theoretical this love is.   Love cannot be contained as an emotion, ideal or inner conviction.  Love expresses itself in sacrifice, service and action.

In Matthew 25: 31 – 46 Jesus explains that those who inherit eternal life are those who fed the hungry, cared for the poor and visited the sick. While their salvation was not earned by these things, their love was expressed  and evidenced by these things.

I believe on the last day when the true church is revealed that there will be a distinctive mark of love in the lives of those who truly loved God.

Preaching to myself - "hope in God!"

I read Psalms 42 and 43 this morning. One verse is repeated three times.  It jumped out at me the first time.  By the third time I was getting the message!

'Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God'  Psalm 42 v 5 and 11 and Psalm 43 v 5

I really identify with the first two lines of this verse. As I've battled with depression over the past year, one of my struggles has been with feeling I shouldn't be feeling low because I don't really have anything properly difficult or tough in my life.  But if I stop here, beating myself up for feeling down, I just end up feeling more rubbish about myself.

What is the way out of this pit?  Looking up. Looking at my God, my Saviour, my Rescuer. It doesn't matter how feeble or pathetic I am. What matters is how great, mighty, loving and powerful He is.  When I focus on how incredible He is, my soul is lifted. I begin to praise Him and I find in Him the hope and strength I need for this moment.

What is the significance of this verse coming three times?  Because we need to keep preaching to ourselves. Keep reminding ourselves to hope in God!  Many times a day, we need to tell ourselves "Hope in God!" He is the mighty God. My salvation comes from him. It does not depend on my goodness or effort but on His great faithfulness and love.  Hallelujah!

"I lift up my eyes to the hills.  Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth" Psalm 121 v 1, 2

My Father is the gardener: lesson 4 leave space for God to work

I am always wanting to do more in order to be impressive.  I felt like God showed me a picture of him having cleared a 'bare patch' in the flower beds and planted a small seed there with designs that it should grow into something beautiful over time if the space was kept clear.

And there I was rushing in with some brightly coloured bedding plants I'd bought cheaply to 'fill' the space.  It looked instantly pretty and colourful but it was crowding out the space for the other plant to make a start. The bedding plant flowers soon die away but what God wants to grow will last many months, seasons and years.

Father forgive me for filling my life with the cheap, quick and easy 'bedding plants'. Help me slow down, give you space to work and allow for that which is worthwhile in my heart to take time to cultivate.  Amen

My Father is the gardener: lesson 3: the point of the garden

Maybe this is not news to anyone else in the world except me, but it honestly is something that's only just begun to dawn on me:

Gardens aren't just about work. They're about enjoyment.

I tend to think of things in terms of whether they are useful. So I tend to think of the 'use' of my garden as being a fun and safe place for my children to play.

I've tended to think of gardening as another 'to do' on an already long list of things I ought to be doing but am not.  For me the point of gardening has been:

So I'm not too ashamed of the disgraceful state it's in when people come round.

Well, how about I stop looking at the mess, overgrown and untidy weeds and stop and look at the beauty that is there in spite of my neglect?  How about I enjoy the roses and the lavender and the poppies and give praise to my Creator who made them?

And how about I apply that to my life too?  How about I look at, see and enjoy the good things God has put there? The beauty that is there in spite of my sin and brokenness. And rejoice in the fact that God still wants to spend time in my garden and says he delights in me.

My Father is the gardener: lesson 2 the beauty of the secret garden

'the more you let yourself compete and compare, the more you forget your own calling'
Ann Voskamp

When I read blogs of women with 6 children (why is it always 6?!) I feel an instant 'failure' in my heart that since I had my second child I've never felt our family has been in a good enough 'place' to cope with adding a third.

I see photos of women's beautiful houses, read of their accomplishments and instead of rejoicing in all that God is doing in and through them, I let it speak negatively to my heart that I've not lived up to their 'standard'.

By dint of the fact that I'm reading their blog, they are a 'successful' blogger/writer and usually a speaker too. Jealousy springs up in my heart.

Then God gave me another 'garden' picture about it.

These big impressive Christians who reach thousands through their words/art/lives: they are like the gardens that you can visit at stately homes. Thousands of people wander through and enjoy and admire the beauty.

Then you come to think of the straggly plot at home. Oh dear. No one is going to come to admire the beauty there.

But then I heard God whisper, "But I delight in visiting my secret gardens too".  There is a beauty and specialness of a private garden that a public garden cannot offer.  A more hidden life is like this - not so impressive to others maybe has it's own unique beauty.

God doesn't want all his gardens to be the same.  He does want his gardens to be places where He is welcome and where we let him be the gardener.  And when we finally stop rushing around trying to impress and live up to a million standards that we were never meant to reach, we can let him show us the unique and special garden he wants to make of our lives. And the result will be beautiful.

My Father is the Gardener Lesson 1

I laugh at the thought of writing about gardening because I am the worst gardener. However God has recently been showing me a number of different things about how he works in my life through the metaphor of my heart as a garden that I feel are meant for sharing here.

So here is my first 'gardening lesson'! :-)

Lesson 1: A process of gentle unfurling

I want gardening to be like on those TV programmes where they send the mum away for the weekend, rip out the old garden with a JCB, stick a brand new one in and she comes home and cries with surprise and delight at the transformation.

About one or two days a year I attack our garden ruthlessly, pulling up anything I suspect of being a weed (i.e. 90% of the contents of our flowerbeds). The next morning it looks kind of bare but (comparatively speaking) amazing.  But of course it doesn't last because the enthusiastic weeds just spring straight back up again.

Similarly, I want God to 'zap' my heart in a 24 hour makeover. Just take a digger, remove wholesale all the junk. Bring in a whole new set up. Then I want to be 'sorted' and to joyfully and without struggle perfectly serve the Lord for the rest of my life. I guess in garden terms that would be producing different beautiful colourful flowers in each new season, no weeds, no maintenance required.

But gardens don't work like that. They are an ongoing process.  They are a slow, gentle unfurling and unfolding. They cannot be rushed.  A garden is never 'finished' because each day, little by little it is growing and changing. New flowers open up, new shoots appear and new weeds sprout up as well. With each new season there are different tasks (so I'm told!).

A really good gardener just does a little each week, working with nature: trimming at the right time; dead-heading at the right point; considering when a straggly plant needs to be uprooted and something new planted there.

So it is with our lives. Each day we need to yield ourselves to the Master Gardener. Let Him have his way in our lives.  Sometimes that means something that is good becomes too 'big' in our lives and needs cutting back. Sometimes, something beautiful that once flowered in our lives, has had its season and we need to submit to him removing it because only then is there space in our garden for the new thing He wants to plant.

And so Father, I submit to You as my Gardener. Help me be patient with you and with myself as I let you gently work on the ever-changing landscape of my garden-heart. Help me be content not to be 'finished'. Plant what you will. Uproot what you will. I think I want an instant makeover but I know your ways are wisest and best. May my garden-heart be a place You love to be, enjoying the beauty you are unfurling there.  Amen

Simple things

What keeps stopping me writing my blog? Pride and selfishness.

I want what I write to be Something. To be Life Changing. To be Mind Blowing. To be Impressive and make me look Very Spiritual.

But the stuff God says to me is very simple. It's not new. It's been said much better by others many times. But. I keep needing to hear these simple things again and again.

And maybe, me writing these Simple Things will just be a reminder to you that God has said these Simple Things to you before as well.  But like me, you forget.

And God in His incomprehensible grace and mercy reminded me patiently again: I love you.

And asked me to write it on my blog so He could remind you again too: I love you.

Yes, even though [put here all the reasons you come up with why you think He shouldn't love you].

So from here on, I commit myself to write Simple Things. Things that have been said before and said better. But things we forget in the all the loud shoutings of life, the world, family, work, media and our thoughts bombarding us every day.

So here I offer my Simple Thing for today:

God says "I love you".   To you.  Yes you.

And He means it.

Rooted

Recently God showed me I was like a tree that was stressing and striving “I want to bear fruit! I want to bear more fruit!” in an urgent hurry. God replied, “Stop trying to bear fruit and focus instead on putting your roots down in Me, drinking the water of my life-giving Word. The fruit will then just naturally come.”

There are a number of passages in scripture that use the image of us being a tree. Here are a few of them with my reflections on them:

How do I put my roots down and become a fruitful tree?

⁷ “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
And whose hope is the Lord.
⁸ For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes;
But its leaf will be green,
And will not be anxious in the year of drought,
Nor will cease from yielding fruit.  (Jeremiah 17:7-8 )

By trusting in God. Believe His Word. Hold on to His promises. Walk in obedience to His commands.

By hoping in the Lord. Don’t let myself get bogged down in circumstances around me. Lift my eyes to consider how great He is:

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
² My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.  (Psalm 121 v 1-2)

If my helper is the one who made heaven and earth, what is there that is too hard for Him?

¹ Blessed is the one
    who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
    or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
    and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
    which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
    whatever they do prospers. (Psalm 1v 1-3)

Walk in His ways.  Don’t get sucked along with the crowd, to ‘fit in’. Instead, ‘keep in step with the Spirit’ (Galatians 5 v 16) The first three verses show a progression from walking, to standing and finally sitting, which to my mind shows a growing comfortableness with the ways and company of those who are walking contrary to God’s ways.

Delight in the law of the Lord. Recognise the Bible for the treasure it is: truth, wisdom, love, instruction, comfort, God’s words to us.

Meditate on his law day and night. This is only really possible by memorising scripture or having it written up in places you will keep seeing it and reading it. This gets it in your heart and will help you more clearly discern whether the path you’re taking is in step with the Spirit or the wicked.

¹ “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. ⁴ Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.  ⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15 v 1, 4 -5)

Abide or remain. It sounds too easy. Too passive. Yet (for me at least) letting go of my own effort and allowing God to have his way in me is hard. I want it all to be done straight away and so I strive to ‘hurry up’ God’s process! Of course, it doesn’t work.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,

They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendour.  (Isaiah 61 v 1, 3)

Jesus came to rescue us. Why? That we will be ‘oaks of righteousness . . . for the display of his splendour’. Our growth from seeds to saplings to oaks is for His glory. It’s His work in me that transforms me and therefore all the glory goes to Him.

Accepting who I am

The final lesson I’ve been learning from this picture of a tree is to accept who I am. There are many different kinds of trees planted in many different places, at different stages of growth and fruitfulness. I tend to look at other ‘trees’ and think ‘I should be like that tree’, ‘I should have fruit like theirs’ or ‘I should be planted where they are’. I need to accept being the tree God made me to be, planted where He has planted me and at the stage of growth I am. And to turn my desire to be impressive and fruitful into trusting God, abiding in Him, digging deeper in His word and walking in obedience to each step He shows me, trusting Him for the speed and fruit of my growth.

“My client is not in a hurry”

Reflections on stress, rest and fun

Somehow I’ve always felt like I should be ‘doing something’. Preferably doing something ‘useful’, ‘for others’, something that requires discipline, selflessness, sacrifice and hard work. And the more I do of this the better; so to be rushing around, super-stressed feels extra spiritual.   But I’m realising that the people who were like that in the Bible were generally called Pharisees and they were getting it wrong a lot of the time.

I want to clarify that I think discipline, sacrifice and hard work are important and they are all commended in the Bible. It’s the stressed out rushing around like it all depended on me that’s not.

I was first arrested by this concept five years ago when I read Ann Voskamp’s quote “Life’s not an emergency. It’s a gift.” I realised that I was living mostly like it was an emergency.

More recently I heard a fantastic quote attributed to Gaudi the famous Spanish architect whose plans for the cathedral in Barcelona kept on getting grander and more intricate. Someone commented on how long it would take to complete the work and Gaudi replied “My client is not in a hurry.”  I love that. I am in so much of a hurry to be ‘completed’; for God to have finished working on me. But God is not in a hurry.

In the Bible, the kingdom of God is compared to a mustard seed growing into a tree. It is not a quick, dramatic process but a long, slow unfolding and unfurling over years that results in the amazing transformation.  That’s what God’s work in us is like, a gradual growing that doesn’t seem noticeable from day to day, but over time is an incredible change.

I sometimes live like God created me because there were so many jobs He needed doing. But we weren’t created to simply be a workforce. We were created for relationship. Relationships take time. They are slow.  At the end of my life, more important than the question “Have I been productive?” will be the question “Do you know Me? Do you love Me?”

What does this look like practically? Let’s take reading the Bible as an example. Am I prepared to slow down from racing through the Bible to have ‘achieved’ reading it in a year? Reading it in a year is a good thing but is it at the expense of hearing from God? Am I reading to meet with my Lord – to hear what He would say to me or to tick off something else on my to do list? It’s easy to turn spiritual discipline into accomplishing things in our own  strength to feel good about ourselves. Far better to read with a listening heart, ready to stop and ponder and hear what He wants to show me and teach me rather than ploughing on ‘to get to the end’.

I’ve often thought of rest as ‘inferior’ and ‘weak’ until my husband pointed out that God commanded it in the ten commandments. That brought me up short! That’s how important God considers rest to be. He deliberately created us to need to spend a reasonable chunk of each day sleeping.  Maybe rest, in its rightful place, is actually one of God’s good gifts to us, to be received with thankfulness and enjoyed as His blessing.

Similarly I’ve had a wrong attitude about ‘fun’. I’ve tended to dismiss it as trivial and frivolous. But actually God invented fun. He made laughter. He laughs! When I think of my children and picking them up from school, I don’t ask “Did you work hard?” (although I hope they did) but ‘Did you have a good day?” I want them to have had fun and enjoyed their day, not simply to have learned in drudgery.  It’s been quite transforming to consider that God actually wants me to enjoy each of the days He has given me.

God has filled the world with wonderful amazing things. He wants us to enjoy them and have fun as well as knuckle down to the discipline of the hard things. As with all things, we need to walk daily in dependence on God to get the right balance.

Father, thank You for the good gifts of rest and fun that you have given us. I chose to accept them and enjoy them as part of your expression of love to me. Praise You. Amen.

What is success?

I was really stopped in my tracks the other day by this question:

What is success?

It came across it while reading Ann Voskamp's blog:

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2015/04/the-5-key-questions-to-ask-to-get-you-out-of-any-hard-time-and-change-your-life/

I was scooting through the ‘5 key questions’, ticking off in my head that I knew the 'right' answers: Who is God? Tick. Sorted. What is truth? Tick. Yes, Jesus said “I am the truth”.

But when I came to 'What is success?' I faltered. The 'right' answer didn't come in a quick, succinct phrase. And I felt God challenge me: No, stop searching for the neat little response to fire back. Look at your life. Look at how you actually live. Look at what goes on in your head. What is the success you actually spend your effort trying to attain?

And then the answers came flooding quickly and easily:

What am I trying to achieve?

• for my children to be happy all the time - to always have the solution ready whenever they cry
• for my children never to misbehave as evidence of my excellent parenting
• for my husband to always be happy and pleased with me
• for my house to be clean and tidy all the time (but without me being OCD about it!)
• to have done something meaningful and helpful for someone approximately every 18 minutes
• for everyone who has ever met me to think I'm great because I'm always meeting up to their expectations and doing thoughtful things for them
• to never lose anything, forget anything, break anything
• to always know where everything is that any member of my family may want whether I was the last person to handle it or not
• to be effortlessly beautiful, fit and stylish
• to have done everything on the 'to do' list
• to never let anyone down

I think I'll stop there. Maybe your list has some elements in common with mine. An invisible list that we carry around in our heads, measuring ourselves up against.

And so you can see why feeling like a failure is a part of my everyday life. Maybe it is for you too. I'm discovering that not meeting up to the standards we set ourselves inside our heads is more the norm that the exception. And yet so often we feel like we’re the only one.

And I can see so clearly reading my own list how stupid and unrealistic these goals are. How totally unattainable and unachievable they are. How I can beat myself up for not achieving burdens that no one is putting on me except myself. Actually writing them down and looking at them in the cold light of day has been a huge first step to breaking free from their power over me; their ability to condemn me and make me want to throw in the towel and give up.

Where do we get these crazy goals from? There are many answers to do with things such as our upbringing, personality and key relationships in our lives. In addition, the internet, Pinterest and social media mean we open our lives to hundreds of messages that each have an impact and influence on us:

“Look! I ran a marathon three days after giving birth”

“Look at the amazing birthday party I threw for my two year old”

“Look what a perfect happy family holiday we had”

“The key to everything is . . . prayer . . . fasting . . . exercise . .  flossing . . . resting . . .”

I let myself get bombarded by these messages. I let others’ achievements make me feel like a failure. I decide to try this, that and the other but never get anywhere with it because the next day I read about something else.

This year has been a year of God opening my eyes to the fact that He is not laying any of these burdens on me. It's not what He is asking me to strive for.  I can see that but it takes a while to change the habit of a way of thinking, the habit of a way of living, the habit of listening to these voices rather than those of my Saviour.

What if he says,  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

So how does God define success?  I'm far from having developed a theological thesis on this. The whisper I feel in my heart is that it's to do with relationship. Relationship with God and relationship with others. Loving being loved.  Accepting being accepted. Enjoying the gifts God gave us to enjoy. Saying ‘yes’ to the simple opportunities to pass on the love I’ve received that He shows me.

Father, thank you that your love for me does not depend on my performance. Set me free from chasing after success in ways that are not in line with what you have called me to.  Shift my focus from striving to achieve to spending time with You and walking in the paths you show me. Amen.

Post script: In the days I’ve been working on this post I read this quote which redefines success by Heidi Baker in Reckless Devotion:

‘Competition and comparison with others don’t suit our DNA. We feel no pressure to succeed and excel, but we find joy in doing things well by the power of the Spirit.  God’s ways are the reverse of the world’s. We waste our time on the un-influential and the few, stopping for the one . . . . The truth is, we are doing what Jesus has told us to do where He has placed us. You must do what God has told you to do where He has placed you.  . . .  If you can learn to humble yourself and depend fully on Jesus, in reckless devotion, you will see miracles. . . as you determine to empty yourself and be filled with His presence, you will begin to see His life spilling out all over.’

And finally a quote from Michele Cushatt’s memoir Undone in which she shares her unbelievably tough story including her struggle with perfectionism and what she learnt about relationship through it all:

‘I’ve long held unrealistic expectations for myself, inhuman standards, and then judged myself according to how I met – or didn’t meet – them.  . . It took time to unlearn my insufferable independence and self-sufficiency. I’d thought them to be noble qualities, proof of worth. But I’d missed the pride and insecurity that often festered as a result.’

Her conclusion: ‘I needed help . . . I discovered life is far more beautiful – and endurable – when you don’t have to do it alone . . .  in the relinquishing of independence, I discovered community. My brokenness gave me connection, relationship. I thought asking for help was an admission of weakness. Instead, I discovered it a declaration of strength.’